Developing Emotional Intelligence Is Not As Straight Forward As You May Think

Rob could tell when a client was upset, and he had a plan.  He had a whole collection of techniques to “smooth things over” and help his client be less upset.  He wasn’t quite as good with staff.  With his girlfriend, the exact same techniques backfired a lot.  When it came to managing his own emotions, he was a wreck.  He needed some developing emotional intelligence training to take the next step into a world of influence that most people don’t ever experience.

The better someone knew him, the less the techniques worked.

The Real Test Of Developing Emotional Intelligence

The real test of developing Emotional Intelligence in how well it works when people can read you like a book.  You can pretend to have Social Intelligence with a few tactics and techniques, but if your clients, staff, friends, and family see right through the techniques, that’s a sign.  You haven’t been developing Emotional Intelligence.  Not really.  You been learning techniques.

Sure, they may work.  The opening line may bait the customer.  Promises might calm an angry client.  Objections might be artfully overcome.  If it’s just on the surface, the only solution is to keep your distance from people.  You have no choice but to stay disconnected, because when people get close, they will see it’s all just a game to you.

Chances are it isn’t your fault.  If that’s all your trainers taught you, then that may be all you know.

Unfortunately, a startling amount of  developing Emotional Intelligence training is really teaching nothing more deep than a collection of salesmanship lines.  Top salespeople know that the key is to really connect to the client.  Over deliver on your promises.  Play it straight.  Be persuasive, of course.  Use the strategies and techniques, naturally!  Do it from a place of integrity with all sincerity.  It makes a difference.  You don’t need me to tell you.  Ask top salespeople.  They’ll tell you that developing emotional intelligence is the key.  Reflect on your own experience and the people you trust to do right by you in business.  It makes all the difference in the world!

A simple working definition of Emotional Intelligence is PUMU: Perceive, Understand, Manage and Use Emotions.  In my years teaching this, I am often struck by the number of people that seem to do a much better job of this with other people than they do with themselves.

Take the developing Emotional Intelligence Test.  See if you’re one of them.

Developing Emotional Intelligence Requires Learning Differently

If so, there is a very good chance it is because you learned people skills to put out fires.  You’ve had to deal with angry people, sad people, hurting people, fearful people… that you’ve dealt with OTHER people and THEIR emotions.

If that’s all you learned, then that’s all you know.

Why did people see through Rob?  Because all he had was techniques.  His favorite lines worked on customers because they didn’t know him.  They didn’t hear him use those exactly lines day in and day out with other customers.  The customers never saw how often he just sort of hoped they would forget about it and just go away.

His staff saw.  His friends saw.  His girlfriend lived it every day!

Developing Emotional Intelligence is more than just a set of persuasion tools.  In fact, over use of tricks, tactics and techniques is a sign of poor emotional intelligence!  It’s a crutch for those who lack understanding.  It’s a very useful crutch!  It’s easier to learn techniques than it is to develop genuine emotional intelligence… UNLESS you know where to go for your training.

PUMU: Perceive, Understand, Define, Use is a very simple way to define developing Emotional Intelligence.  How well do you perceive your own real emotions and the emotions of others?  How deeply do you understand what those emotions really mean and what ought to be done about them?  What might backfire?  How well can you manage your own emotions, the emotions of others, and work with people when they are intensely emotional?  Do you have the skill sets to really use your own emotions and the emotions of others in powerful, ethical ways?

With traditional academic intelligence, we know what to teach people.  Heck, for mechanical intelligence, musical intelligence, and a athletic intelligence, we know how to teach, how to train, and how to practice to improve.

Developing Emotional Intelligence is really the same!  You find someone who knows how to do it AND how to teach it.  You learn.  You practice what you learn and you get better at it.

It’s pretty simple.

The problem is finding an expert with the skill set to actually teach.

Take the Emotional Intelligence Test to quickly evaluate your starting point.  Then get started learning the REAL secrets to developing GENUINE Emotional Intelligence!

Tags: Developing Emotional Intelligence