SAVORING CHRISTMAS

Emotional Intelligence Testing: Emotional Intelligence Tested in the Real World

 

This time I’ll be sharing a story of how we do emotional intelligence testing in Conway home.  This Christmas, we had another family staying with us, so they joined us for Christmas.  They told us that from now on, they intend to do Christmas the way they saw us do it, and they intend to share with many others.  Word is spreading.  I thought I’d join in the sharing.

Does this have to do with Emotional Intelligence, Developing Emotional Intelligence or  Emotional Intelligence Testing?  Quite a bit, actually.  This is Emotional Intelligence testing applied to the Real World.  You develop it by doing something that triggers, supports and sustains positive emotions.  You put it to the test by how your Emotional Genius manifests in your life.

ORDINARY

Christmas is a very special time of the year, and for weeks, months in some cases, gifts have been sought, purchased, wrapped, and have made it under the tree.  The excitement of seeing gifts under the tree with your name on them stirs the imagination of many a child – adults, too!  Curiosity, wonder, anticipation… all wonderful feelings that seek sweet release on Christmas morning!

This is how I’ve watched Christmas unfold in many households over the decades.  There is some variation on a theme, but it goes something like this: Everyone tears open their presents, reacts with various levels of excitement, and in about ten minutes all but the most interesting, fun gifts are set aside and play begins with a handful of them.

Some households take turns so everyone sees what everyone else got, but even so, in ten to twenty minutes, it’s all over.  Maybe someone keeps a list of who got what from whom so thank you cards can hypothetically be written later.  Those cards, if written at all, are often the result of a certain measure of nagging on the part of a parent – and in the face of playing with new toys, is a sometimes Herculean task.

EXTRAORDINARY

This is how we do presents in the Conway home.

Someone is the “elf,” and it is the job of the elf to try to find one present for each person.  Then we take turns, starting with the youngest, and everyone says who the gift is from, reads the card if there is one, and opens it.  Everyone gets to see it.  And then… we’ll come back to “and then.”

The next person opens their gift, and then the next person until everyone has opened a gift and everyone has seen everyone else’s gifts.  Here’s the “and then” I wanted you waiting for….

We write thank you cards.

Yes, right then.  Before we open the second gift, a thank you card has been written for the first gift.  Gratitude is demonstrated in card writing immediately after the gift is opened, and only after the card is written does the next elf get the next round of gifts.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

First of all, this turns a ten to twenty minute gift opening session into a much longer event.  Because of the extra people in our home, we spent nearly three hours enjoying and being thankful for gifts.  Normally it takes about half that time.  Think about how long it takes to shop for gifts!  We get to spend as much time opening and showing gratitude as an average shopping trip!

Secondly, it keeps us in an attitude of gratitude.  Gift by gift, we show our gratitude for the gifts, large and small, and for the gift giver.  Etiquette says you should give a card to anyone who is not present when you open the gift.  We make it a habit to do it for everyone.  If we know we have more than one gift from someone, we keep the card open with space for the rest of the gifts.  The card thanks each giver for every gift!

Third, it keeps us focused on more than just ourselves.  We really do pay attention to what others get.  That shows attention and respect for our family members – that they are important and what great things they get is important to us.  Giving thanks as we go keeps us focused on the givers of the gifts rather than just the gifts.  It helps us think about the generosity of others and be grateful for that – no matter the gift.  Gifts will be on unequal footing later when they are being played with, but for a time, every GIVER is on equal footing with gratitude for the thoughtfulness of the gift.

Fourth, it lets us visit while opening presents.  Sometimes there’s a story behind the gift, or an adventure getting it.  This year, one of the gifts I got for my wife involved a conspiracy to sneak it out of an amusement park store, get it into town, find a box for it, and get it wrapped and hidden under the tree without her having any idea where it came from (or she would have guessed exactly what it was!).  One gift for the boys had a whole story attached to it from many years ago, and that’s what inspired mom to buy it for them!  That story came with many wonderful memories from their younger years.

Fifth, it is an exercise in Patience.  Everyone waits their turn.  Everyone has something to do before the next gift.  Except when you’re the elf, you open what someone else chooses for you (even if you REALLY want to open that giant box you’ve been drooling over for two weeks!).

Mission accomplished.

MAKING IT MEMORABLE

That’s just the gift opening time.  We do many other things to make the season memorable.  We have established family traditions, and we pursue them purposefully.  From time to time, we may not get to something that is normal for us – and we don’t worry about it.  It’s not about neurotically checking everything off a list, we are making memories.

The way the Conways Do Christmas is rippling out from us to many other households.  This year, for the first time, an unrelated family actually got to join us for Christmas and be a part of our way.  They are very excited.  Every member of the household has talked to us about how great it was and how they intend to do things that way forever.

If they are so excited about it, I thought you might enjoy reading about it.  Maybe as you plan for next year, you might decide to adopt something of the way we do things.

Though I’m almost a year early, for the next Christmas coming up, make it an Exceptionally Merry Christmas!

 

 

 

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