Tag Archives: definition of emotional intelligence
What Is Emotional Intelligence -Why It Is Important
What Is Emotional Intelligence - WHAT THE HECK DOES THIS MEAN?
UNDERSTANDING OUR OWN EMOTIONS
PUMU: Perceive, Understand, Manage, Use
I was the cliché: the angry young man.
When it came to understanding my emotions, I had a pretty immature idea of what my anger meant. In my childishness, I thought that fact I was angry automatically meant the world had to change.
Okay, maybe not the whole world, but whoever or whatever made me angry. What was I supposed to do? Express my anger, of course, in whatever way would force the “other side” to give me what I wanted.
I didn’t do anything criminal, but there was a lot of yelling, screaming, slamming doors, arguing, and, from time to time, things got a bit out of control. I remember one time literally smashing up a door inside the house. Later, I had to pay for it. I said a lot of things that, once said, can never be taken back. Sure, the other person might forgive me, but will they ever believe “I didn’t really mean it”? Probably not. They might say they do, but they will always have just cause to wonder.
I did get my way sometimes. Not very often, to tell the truth, but sometimes. I didn’t really have anything that worked better, so the temper kept flaring.
That continued until I was 18. Things changed after that. I guess you could say that not long after becoming an adult, I actually started to grow up!
WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE - UNDERSTANDING OUR OWN EMOTIONS
Every one had one of those night when your body is exhausted but your brain won’t stop? I have those, too. Some people have an endless stream of them filled with worry, fury, hopelessness, overwhelm, or any number of feelings.
The problem with these feelings keeping you up is that it is often an endless loop. You feel. Your imagination runs away with you. You keep rehashing all the things that might go wrong and how bad it can be. You keep going over and over all the things you wish you could do to the “other guy.” It leaps you “looping” – and once that starts, it can go on night after night after night.
Even with the Language of Emotions, you will still find yourself awake some nights. The difference is that you will be sorting through all the information you need, what you still need to find out, and formulating action plans. Rather than just be stuck in an endless emotional loop, you’ll be up half the night planning how to deal with whatever is going on.
Let’s take me for example. When I’d have an endless angry night, like most of us (I think!), I would stay up all night imagining all the things I could do the other guy. In the dark of the night, you think of all sorts of things that you could go to prison for if you actually did it! (Or maybe that’s just me…)
Instead, imagine going into the night of fury with a clear understanding that Anger means that one of my rules has been broken. So, rather than just be angry, I can think about my rule. What is the rule the other guy broke? Is it a good rule?
Do I need to change the rule? Sometimes I do. If so, there is a system for doing that. I teach one of them in Language of Emotions 101a. The one that’s there is simple enough that anyone who really, honestly does it can do it on their own. There are other techniques, some of which require a coach, but the Six Step Rule Change is a fundamental technique.
What if the rule is a good rule? Then the next step is to figure out how I can get the rule followed. The step here is almost always found in effective communication. Then you have to strategize how to do that.
A big question is whether or not the other person truly understands what they are doing. If you have a good rule, does the other person understand that rule? Has it really be explained? Do they agree with the rule? Sometimes people break rules they disagree with. Sometimes they have a point (we should find out), and sometimes they don’t (but if we give them a chance to express themselves, we can at least talk about it).
Sometimes you need a carrot, a stick, or both. In that case, you work it out. What incentive might help gain compliance? Is it reasonable? In a workplace, it might be a raise, a bonus, a perk, or even just recognition.
What penalty might motivate someone? Is that reasonable? Sticking with a workplace example, it can go all the way up to firing someone. At a lesser level, it could be cutting hours, demoting someone, keeping them off jobs or scaling back projects. It could include a precursor to firing them: some kind of reprimand or suspension.
Sure, I might have started off Angry, but because I Understand, it gives me somewhere much more productive to go with it than to just spend a night fuming about it.
WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE- PUMU: Perceive, Understand, Manage, Use
You’ve probably notices that Perceive and Understand are deeply related. So are Understand and Manage, as you can see. You can also see that by doing genius level of Perceive and Understand, Manage is beginning to take care of itself! If we just follow through, then we are doing Use.
Emotional intelligence theory: Why should a normal person care about increasing emotional intelligence?
Emotional Intelligence Theory: Here are the Top 3 things you will gain by developing your Emotional Intelligence!
Emotional intelligence theory #1 100% of your happiness and misery is found purely in emotion.
Emotional intelligence theory #2 At least 90% of relationship issues come down to emotions.
Emotional intelligence theory #3 The majority of business problems are emotion problems.
100% of your happiness and misery is found purely in emotion. Gaining masterful command of your emotions lets you choose how much happiness you have and how much misery you decide to live with!
Emotional Intelligence Theory: What Triggers Emotions
So what triggers emotion based on emotional intelligence theory. Emotions may be triggered by events, but it is the emotions themselves that have you feeling great or feeling terrible. If you know exactly what to do to completely erase the negative emotion, you can get rid of the misery! There are some simple and very deep secrets to do this exactly right! If you know what the positive emotions are saying and know how to amplify them, you can double, triple or even tenfold your happiness! If you learn the exact techniques, you can eliminate half, two thirds, or even 90% of your misery! (Some unpleasant feelings should not be simply turned off, like grieving loss or being afraid of something truly dangerous.)
At least 90% of relationship issues come down to emotions. People often say that they key to relationships is communication. 100% of our positive and negative experiences are emotions. Yet very few of us have ANY meaningful training in how to understand and communicate our feelings! If this kind of communication is KEY, we NEED to know how to do it!
I have counseled and mentored people in relationships for decades. Women often complain that men won’t talk about their feelings. Men often complain that they can’t, don’t want to, and don’t understand the women when the women try. I’ve used Language of Emotions to fix all sides of that!
Emotional Intelligence Theory: Effects of Emotions
The majority of business problems are emotion problems. Think about this. If something goes wrong, and your client or boss is okay with it, you just fix it and move on. No problem. If something goes wrong, and your client is ticked or your boss is frustrated, then you have a problem! What’s the difference? Emotion, of course.
I’ve watched people who are clueless about emotion take a nearly-solved problem and turn it back into a lawsuit. I’ve watched customers blown out of a business over Emotional Cluelessness, and I’ve watched brilliant managers save relationships and make raving fans out of angry customers.
If you think about the emotional intelligence theory and how it affect emotions. I’ve shown up in the middle of a situation that was so out of control that two grown men wrestled one another into a row of chairs and had to be physically removed from one another. I know. I’m the one who got them off one another. Then, using my Emotional Genius, I talked them down from the intensity of the situation. I even got the threatened litigation called off after two more conversations.
How To Improve Emotional Intelligence: Making Subtle Distinctions
Ways On How To Improve Emotional Intelligence
Big, obvious feelings are easy to Perceive (the “P” in PUMU*). Most people can tell when they feel what they think is Anger or Hurt. Sometimes they can tell when they feel Fear, if they are willing to admit it. Even basic feelings can get complicated by feeling more than one of them at once. Due to lack of training, many people fail this basic test on how to improve Emotional Intelligence.
Develop Emotional Intelligence by learning to make subtle distinctions. This is beyond the present skill of most people. Doing it requires a level of understanding emotions that is beyond all but the most intuitive or people specifically trained for it.
- Ways on how to improve emotional intelligence tip 1. Anger vs. Frustrations
Anger means a personal rule has been broken. Frustration means you feel you’ve done your part to produce a result, but the result isn’t happening. If you know the difference, you can refine your strategy to be multiple times more effective. If you have Genius level skill, you can even tell when you are feeling BOTH Anger and Frustration. At Genius level, you can look to a situation and know what parts have you angry and what parts have you frustrated. Then you can be strategic in how you approach each part.
How To Improve Emotional Intelligence: Things People Always Miss
- Ways on how to improve emotional intelligence tip 2. Face your fear
Fear is another one that many people miss, surprisingly enough. Part of it is an unwillingness to admit we’re afraid. There are many uses of low-grade fear when we learn to understand the emotion properly. Meanwhile, we learn special code-words to hide the fact we’re feeling fear. “Stress” is a common one. We may talk about “concerns” or “difficulties.” When we understand that Fear means “Something’s Coming; I’m Not Ready,” it gives us a whole new level of insight.
- Ways on how to improve emotional intelligence tip 3. Manage stress
We can look very concretely at our “stress,” “concerns” or “difficulties.” What, exactly, is coming? What, exactly, would it take to get ready? What can we do about it? There are lots of options that become easier to see when we understand.
For subtle distinctions, Genius level performance can distinguish between Fear, Inadequacy, and Self-Doubt. Inadequacy means “I’m Not Enough.” Self-Doubt means “I Do Not Know That’s True” when it comes to evaluating whether or not you can do something. Let’s take a quick look at how you approach each of these differently.
For pure Fear, you look at what’s coming and whether or not you’re ready. Then you decide if it is something you should avoid or something you can get ready to do. With Inadequacy, it is more of an identity shift than a particular skill. You can get ready for the individual thing which would deal with the Fear, but not the Inadequacy. You need to work to gain more than just a set of skills for one particular activity. You need the breadth of skills for a role.
- Ways on how to improve emotional intelligence tip 4. Have faith to yourself
For Self-Doubt, that really is only supposed to prompt questions. However, we often misunderstand the message and lose all faith in ourselves. The gateway to an unshakeable faith is through Doubt. The most confident people often got there through the feeling of self-doubt, or they skipped the feeling and went straight to the proper questions of self-doubt. When you ask the right questions and really answer them, you should discover exactly what you can and cannot do. If you are lacking in particular skill sets, you know exactly what boost you need to handle what you need to handle.
The differences are subtle and important. Most people don’t even know what to do with the major emotion of Fear. For those people, any distinction beyond that is meaningless because they wouldn’t know what to do with it anyway! For someone trained in the Language of Emotions, the Action Plan for Fear will be helpful for all of them. The more precise Action Plan for Inadequacy and Self-Doubt are even more powerful. For the Emotional Genius using the Language of Emotions, the distinctions become useful. The human mind has a dramatic ability to learn to make distinctions it recognizes as useful.
Four Basic Skills On How To Improve Emotional Intelligence
Thus PERCEIVE in PUMU depends in large part on Understanding (the first “U” in PUMU). Understanding makes the distinctions meaningful. When the distinctions become meaningful, we can make them more easily. You Reverse Engineer from Understanding to Perceive to make the subtle distinctions.
- Ways on how to improve emotional intelligence tip 5. PUMU
* PUMU: Perceive, Understand, Manage, Use. These are the four basic skills on how to improve Emotional Intelligence. Those who are naturally gifted do so intuitively. Those who are trained well do so by skill. Training can make up for a lack of natural gifting. In fact, the well-trained person can easily exceed the Emotional Intelligence of the intuitive person. A portion (and only a portion) of those with Master and Doctoral level education in therapeutic sciences will develop their skills to this level. A simple, clear system like Language of Emotions can produce genius level skill with less training time than a single college course.
What Is Emotional Intelligence? The Definition Of Emotional Intelligence Is a 4 Step Approach
What is Emotional Intelligence? What is the Definition of Emotional Intelligence?
What is the real definition of emotional intelligence
How well can you perceive, understand, manage and use emotions – your own and others? Some people have never asked the question of what is emotional intelligence and fewer people have really thought about what the practical definition of emotional intelligence. Most people think you either have it or you don’t, and that’s that. Those who do are considered intuitive, social, sensitive, perceptive or very relational. Those who don’t understand what emotional intelligence is are just considered ordinary, and some oblivious people are considered insensitive jerks or brutes.
What Is Emotional Intelligence? You can sum up the definition of Emotional Intelligence with a set of abilities.
1. Perceive Emotions.
2. Understand Emotions.
3. Manage Emotions.
4. Use Emotions.
What Is Emotional Intelligence? Women are thought to be better at reading emotions than men. In fact, many men report that they do not even know what they are feeling. Men are often thought to manage their emotions better than women, stereotypically because they do not feel their emotions as deeply. We can settle for some of these ordinary stereotypes (with the variation that always comes in the real world) – or we can get training to figure out what is emotional intelligence.
Most people have had the feeling of having “mixed emotions,” “conflicted emotions,” or feeling “numb” (which we often think of as “no emotions”). Sometimes we think of that as “I don’t really know how I feel.” Some people have such powerful default emotions (anger, depression) that they don’t seem to know what else they might be feeling no matter what the real definition of emotional intelligence.
Most emotions just seem to fall into a few categories: I feel good, I feel fine, I feel bad. That’s not much Emotional Intelligence.
What is Emotional Intelligence Really Mean Aside from the Definition of Emotional Intelligence?
1. Perceive
What Is Emotional Intelligence in practical purposes? If you actually know what the emotions MEAN, then you can decipher your own feelings even if they seem distant (you’re numb) or there are a lot of emotions mixed together (mixed or conflicted emotions). This messes up your ability to perceive emotions.
The Language of Emotions just as a concept transforms your ability to perceive feelings. You shift from trying to figure out a seeming messy, shapeless, fuzzy feeling to looking for a message. When you see the message, the emotion suddenly makes sense.
Are you feeling angry or frustrated? Do you feel hopeless or overwhelmed? Is that feeling you’re having fear, stress or inadequacy? If you know the difference between those feelings, you can tell. You can perceive your own feelings and start to make distinctions between them. With that insight, you learn to tell the difference between one and the other. We call that level of “sensory acuity” being an Emotional Genius on the ability of perception and developing emotional intelligence.
2. Understand
What Is Emotional Intelligence in relation to emotional intelligence self awareness and does it really become obvious? If know what the emotions mean because you know the Language of Emotions, of course you understand. In fact, you used your understanding to help you perceive. This understanding instantly translates to understanding the emotions of others: your boss, co-workers, clients, family and friends.
3. Manage
Managing Emotions is a two-fold skill. First, there are skills to do what is called Instant State Change. You can learn how to manage your immediate emotional state to really, honestly feel what you choose to feel in this moment. Sometimes we have to shift our emotions to be effective at our job (or with our children, or at a special event – no matter how we might otherwise feel). Sure, some people just “fake it,” but if you really know how to make the emotion REAL, imagine how powerful that will be when you can answer the question for yourself “What Is Emotional Intelligence?”
More important than the Instant State Change skill is understanding the Action Plan behind the Language of Emotions. If you have a message, you have information to work with. You can take that information and craft a plan. The Language of Emotions both decodes the message and provides a step-by-step action plan to manage the relevant issues. This is a powerful form of emotional management that is available to everyone – but achieved by very few. When you know this action plan, you simply apply the same action plan to managing your team, work group or family.
4. Use
Using Emotions is the final element here. There are a few ways use emotions ethically. For yourself, you can put yourself in whatever emotional state is most useful for what you need to be doing. That’s genius level Emotional Intelligence already! Better, is using Emotions to guide you on the path to self-discovery so you know where to focus your personal growth and how to accelerate changes so you can be ten times more effective a YOU as you are now.
If you see emotion in others and you know what it means, you can take the most appropriate action to help them solve whatever problem they have. Imagine how powerful it is in business transform yourself to your client’s hero when they first showed up with a furious complaint! What could it do for all your relationships (professional and personal) if you knew how best to help? That’s powerful
Put all this together at this level, and you’re not just Emotionally Intelligent, you’re an Emotional Genius!
When faced with the question what is emotional intelligence training, I teach you everything you need to know to master the Emotion skills of perceive, understand, manage and use. The level of knowledge and skill you develop is really genius! You will know so much more than the average person any comparison would almost be ridiculous. You will have very clear, very concrete skill beyond even what people who TRAIN in Emotional Intelligence develop and get the true definition of emotional intelligence.